A Personal Relationship with Jesus Christ

​NOTE: about every 5 weeks, I show up on Salt and Light Radio’s Blessed and Beautiful Segment for 15 minutes to share thoughts and experiences on an assigned topic. While the interview plays out spontaneously, this is a more comprehensive reflection. “Personal Relationship with Jesus in 2025” took place on Friday, January 24th, the memorial of St. Francis de Sales. This piece includes three segments: (1) my story, (2) in Scripture, and (3) get personal.

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My Story

How does a cradle Catholic come by a personal relationship with Jesus Christ? The oldest of six, I grew up on a farm/ranch in a small, German Catholic community were we went to daily Mass, prayed the daily rosary, and I was homeschooled in Seton Home Study school from seventh grade on (receiving  strong content in the Catholic faith). Long story short, a pivotal spiritual moment came traveling to Spiritual Exercises in Portland around 1997 with a van full of women. I had the distinct impression the enemy was on my shoulder, tempting me to close up. By the grace of God, I chose to be open at this retreat. Part of that retreat was a whole life confession, after which the priest said to me, “Today, you have made Jesus very happy.” Wow, I thought, “I made Jesus happy.” This set in motion more of a relationship with the Lord. Mark and I married in 1998 and also joined Regnum Christi. Though I am no longer a member of Regnum Christi, at the time, this association helped me develop with a central focus on Jesus Christ, a rule of life, involvement in apostolate, and regular formation including weekly gatherings with a wonderful small group of women.
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As the second person of the Trinity, Jesus always introduces us to the rest of the Trinity, which, in turn, increased my personal relationship Him. Following Jesus led me to The Cenacle, a school of spiritual direction in Florida, where I first met the Holy Spirit. I was sitting in the back corner of a conference room when a little priest, Fr. Andrew Apostoli, CFR, started a heady talk on the gifts of the Holy Spirit in relation to St. Teresa of Avila’s Interior Castle. His first words were, “The Holy Spirit…” and that’s all it took. I had a profound realization I had missed the Holy Spirit, felt grace flow over me and started crying holy tears. At that same conference I was baptized in the Holy Spirit by Fr. Richard McAlear, OMI, who gave me a “double shot.” Afterwards, I realized that the Presence I felt within (during baptism of the Spirit) was familiar, the same Presence I had sometimes experienced during prayer. Years later, with my second, personal journey through the nineteenth annotation (also called Spiritual Exercises in Daily Life), I met the Father through restoration of my father image and personal identity. What a gift!

​In Scripture

There are so many Scriptures that reference relationship with the Lord. There is the filial relationship of a son or daughter (Eph. 1: 4-5), or the spousal relationship with the Spirit (as Mother Mary models) or Jesus the Bridegroom (see Song of Songs), but the typical and most accessible is that of Jesus, not only as Lord and Savior, but as friend. It’s OK to call Jesus “friend,” because He first called us friend. “This is my commandment: love one another as I love you. No one has greater love than this,  to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. You are my friends if you do what I command you. I no longer call you slaves, because a slave does not know what his master is doing. I have called you friends, because I have told you everything I have heard from my Father. It was not you who chose me, but I who chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit that will remain, so that whatever you ask the Father in my name he may give you” (Jn 15: 12-18). Jesus doesn’t need friends, but he wants friends. Not only that, He chose each of us. What a privilege to be his friend and for him to be ours.

​What does this mean to be a friend of Jesus? Taking notes from earthly friendships, we see that friendship means sharing lives, hearts, and mission. (1) Sharing lives means doing things together. St. Francis DeSales, a great Doctor of the Church who was famous for his personalized spiritual direction of the laity and conversion of thousands to Catholicism following the Reformation, wrote, “If He is with me, I care not where I go.” Shared lives includes going about daily life in His presence which guides us in a grace filled life. (2) Sharing hearts means going to what really matters. When Jesus asks, “how are you?” He doesn’t want a flip, “fine,” but hopes to hear about our thoughts, dreams, and difficulties. Nothing is too much for Him. (3) Shared mission means taking on His perspective of others, desiring that all will be with Him forever. This is lived in normal life, sometimes in specific calls to mission, to be and bring His love and truth to all.
 

Get Personal

While some may know they already have a personal relationship with the LORD, others might desire this intimacy with the Lord but feel a little lost or stuck. Though not comprehensive, what follows are a few signs of a good personal relationship with the Lord, ideas on how to build the relationship, and what might block this process. How do we know if it’s getting personal?

1. From external to internal. As relationship with God grows, one goes from perceiving God “out there” to “within.” One effect of sacramental baptism is the indwelling of the Trinity, yet many do not experience this until later, often with conversion or reversion. The initial movement is external to internal (although the advanced movement is remaining internal while overflowing to the external).
2. From distant to close. While God is Other, Creator, Almighty, Savior, and Justice, He is also Love, Intimacy, Mercy, Safety, Comfort, and Peace. God is both transcendent (great) and immanent (close), the perfect image being that of the intersection at the center of the cross. God so loved us that He sent His Son close to us (Jn. 3:16).
3. From idea to person. The late Pope Benedict XVI wrote, "Being Christian is not the result of an ethical choice or a lofty idea, but the encounter with an event, a person, which gives life to a new horizon and decisive direction.” We will notice transition from a faith that is not only about doctrines, morality, and rituals (although all three are important!), but primarily about encounter and connection to a Person (with a capital P).
4. From fake to real. We do not have to hide, pretend behind masks, or perform for Him. As the façade disappears and the real us shows up before God, the relationship grows. Honest vulnerability with ourselves and with God is proportionate to intimate relationship. God isn’t bothered by us, our problems, the ugly parts of our history or ourselves, or even anger with Him. He already knows and loves those parts of us, running out to us like the Prodigal Father.
5. From head to heart. One often hears the advice to be tough-headed and soft-hearted. This is true faith-wise, as well, but what often doesn’t happen is the softening of the heart. Most people operate out of their head but struggle to drop to the heart, the center of the person, of encounter, of choice (CCC #2562-2564). Though we walk by faith, spiritual masters note the importance of “affect” or felt experience of God and devotion to Him, of being moved, inflamed, and committed interiorly. The initial movement is typically from head to heart followed by the integration of both.
6. From rote to conversational. Though rosaries, chaplets, the divine office, novenas, litanies, rote prayers, and Bible studies have their place in the spiritual journey, a sure sign of growth is that of conversation with God. Piling on more “devotions” isn’t a fast track to relationship. Rather, first, we start to talk to God directly, sharing thoughts, feelings, and life with Him (silently and verbally). Then, we learn to wait, listen, and trust in His response to us, noting how He responds in life and His specific love language with each of us.
7. From rare to frequent. As the above falls into place, the frequency of checking in and sharing hearts with our best friend increases. Our life starts to mirror His. We take on His mind and heart. We surrender moment by moment, until a greater union emerges. A greater stability and fruitfulness of life arises, and often not despite suffering but through it. The English mystic, Julian of Norwich, called this “oneing,” as we let go to unite ourselves with God. Oneness was Jesus’ prayer for us (Jn. 17: 22-24).

 
At the outset, if we desire this relationship, we have already started. So, we ask for the grace of a deep, radical, and vibrant relationship with Jesus Christ. After all, He is a God who promised to deliver (Mt. 7:7). If we have not done this before, asking ought to include taking Christ as Lord and Savior. This isn’t just a Protestant thing, but also a Catholic Christian thing. It could be as simple as, “Jesus, I love you. I choose you as Lord of my life. I repent of my sin and promise to trust and follow you.” One reason that many adults have a lukewarm faith, have fallen away, or just warm the pews on Sunday, is they haven’t really encountered and chosen to come under His Lordship. Then, start living the Gospel life and spending at least some time each day in prayer (remember that prayer is being with the Lord and in dialogue with Him, possibly using Scripture). Blocks to an emerging relationship with the Lord might be these.
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1. Impossible. Sometimes we don’t even know there is more to faith, that this intimate relationship with God is available, beautiful, and possible. Perhaps we mistakenly think this is for “saints” but not me. Or we are impatient and want it all now.
2. Apathy. Others might know relationship is possible, but struggle to follow through, especially if conversion, change, and effort is part of the journey. Relationship with Jesus is following Jesus which means leaving the nets at the shore.
3. Distrust. Those who suffered trauma, betrayal, abuse, or neglect in family of origin or other relationships (in the end this is almost all of us in one way or another) may fear intimacy, which impacts every relationship, including with God.
4. Repression. Those who grew up fearing or repressing emotion might struggle. We do not let emotions rule the day but do need to get in touch with them (all of them, for to repress one, is to repress all). Emotion links to the heart.
5. Self-reliance. Folks who grew up with a stoic background, rigorous work ethic, or survival by self-reliance, may need to “try softer” not “harder.” While agency (individual decision and effort) is essential, “without Him, we can do nothing” (Jn. 15: 5).
6. Religiosity. We note the contrast between the positive virtue of religion (worshipping God) and negative religiosity (a spirit identified by exorcists characterized by religious obsession and rigidity). Or, this could be a simple temptation to focus, in the extreme, on the less important while bypassing the essential.

 
May we trust that the Lord can bridge all of this, when we let Him. Wherever we are on the journey, our Lord will find us, put us on His shoulder, and carry us forward. Friends, let us, “Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the Lord” (Ps 31: 24).