Balancing Life Over The Holidays

NOTE: about every 5 weeks, I show up on Salt and Light Radio’s Blessed and Beautiful Segment for 15 minutes to share thoughts and experiences on an assigned topic. While the interview plays out spontaneously, this is a more comprehensive reflection. “Balancing Life, Especially Over the Holidays”  took place on Friday, November 15th, the memorial of St. Leopold of Austria, patron of large families.​​

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​Balance is hard to find any time of year, but especially over the holidays. There are so many extra secular and even religious expectations. Office parties, kids concerts, Christmas cookies, gift wrapping, jessie trees, and Secret Santa to name a few. Then throw in the unexpected: sickness, pregnancy, death, accidents, visitors, etc. Is balance even possible this time of year? Is it a fairy tale for another world or a riveting call for all? The spiritual writer, Fr. Jacques Philippe states, “the obligation of a Christian is…to remain in peace.” Here, we are not talking about an absence of conflict or a Martha Stewart Christmas but that inner sense that all is well face-to-face with the Lord, even in the upside down parts of real life. Balancing means there are areas of life to weigh, to keep in proportion, or that need to fall into rightful place to find and maintain this peace.

St. Augustine in The City of God said that peace “is the tranquility of order.” When we seek balance we are looking for peace which comes from order. What is this right order, proper integration, and desired balance? Jesus affirmed the first and second commandment to sum up Christian life and in doing so, gives order to Christian life (Mt. 22: 36-40). This delineates an order of: (1) God (anyone or thing that comes before the Lord is a false idol to be dethroned); (2) self (a proper self-love such as ‘put on your oxygen mask first,’ not selfishness); and, (3) neighbor (by which we first look to one’s state-in-life and work outwards). After number one and two (above) a married woman, for example, would then prioritize her husband followed by the children; if she needs/wants to work that would come next, followed by extended family, friends, ministry, hobbies, etc.

After a crisis delivery of my third son followed by some scary health issues and ministry fallout, the truth that found me, that I treasure most and use frequently is from Fr. Michael Scanlon, TOR. He wrote, “not every need is a call.” Wow! Do we believe this? As Christians trying to live out love, we often mistake everything as a duty and try to be “nice” all the time. However, once we embrace this truth, what makes it so difficult to live this, to sometimes just say “no” or “let me take that to prayer first,” or “possibly at another time”? Typically, when people struggle to say “no” to too much activity (sometimes even faith-based activities), they find: the struggle to survive, unhealthy people pleasing, or performance based striving. The lies live on in,  “I am not worth it, don’t matter, must be perfect, better keep Bob happy, keep up with the Jones', or won't make it.” Yet, none of this comes from the God who made us and holds us in love.
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I have long had a love-hate relationship with the Biblical story of Martha and Mary. "As they continued their journey he entered a village where a woman whose name was Martha welcomed him. She had a sister named Mary [who] sat beside the Lord at his feet listening to him speak. Martha, burdened with much serving, came to him and said, ‘Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me by myself to do the serving? Tell her to help me.’ The Lord said to her in reply, ‘Martha, Martha, you are anxious and worried about many things. There is need of only one thing. Mary has chosen the better part and it will not be taken from her’" (Lk 10: 38-40). What about the things that need to be done or will fall through the cracks? Wouldn’t we all like to be Mary and sit at the feet of Jesus…or would we? Once I was praying with this Scripture and found Mother Mary meet me in the kitchen and tell me that she would take care of the dishes so I could join the disciples at the feet of the Lord.

And, sometimes, it’s about bringing Mary’s heart into the service of Martha. But, how?

1. Honor the one thing. This one thing is the will of the Lord in this particular present moment. Find it, stay in it. In some seasons of life, it means nursing the baby and praying the rosary at the same time. At other times, we might have time for 30 minutes of mental prayer if we prioritize the Lord. Other times, life unravels and simply getting work project finished by deadline is a win.
2. Take time for prayer. Most people can find and make time for prayer (10-20 minutes a day) if they are honest about a good use of their time. A little, appropriate TV or social media per week is OK, but excessive media consumption steals time and peace. When we give ourselves to prayer, life is just better. Breath prayer is lifting up a prayer through the inhale and exhale of breath (for example: in = Je / out = sus).
3. Care for the whole person. Every human is a unity of body and soul. Eating healthy, taking an occasional nap or soak in the tub, exercising regularly,  enjoying the beauty of nature and fresh air and gathering with friends contribute to flourishing and affect the spirit. In some fashion or another, these belong to a balanced lifestyle. In fact, sometimes, this alone lifts the spirit.
4. Be flexible. When life throws a curve ball, we adjust the swing. There are times in life when the best planning and simplifying won’t cut it. Life just happens. In these times, balance was attempted and the Lord, instead, is inviting surrender beyond what we can control. Here, peace comes with gratitude for and acceptance of the cross.  In these moments, we are invited to radical trust.
5. Invite others to help. In an age-appropriate manner, it is good for us and for our kids to get them involved in chores. This prepares them for life after the apron strings are cut and engenders a sense of generosity. If we are really stretched, how about asking for help from extended family or friends? Sometimes people have no idea that we need help or want to help but don’t know how. 
6. S-l-o-w down. Literally and intentionally, we slow our speech, actions, and brain. We might hit the pause button on life, but even then, when we push play, make sure it's “slow mode.”  We will notice our body and soul calming; clear thinking returns. When we are in constant flurry and scurry, that’s a sure sign of the enemy for God is Time Itself, inviting us to rest in His providence.
7. Rest in the arms of the Lord. Imaginatively allow our head to rest on the chest of the Lord Jesus or climb into the lap of the Father.  What happens? What do we hear and feel? If this is difficult, what makes it so? Let ourselves be loved, cared for, feel safe, and guided in life. Return often. We "shall be called ‘Cared For.’” (Is. 62: 12).
8. Schedule a few family meetings. Especially with the holidays coming, Advent upon us, the new year around the corner, we can gather with our spouse/family to discuss the following months. Consider creating a vision statement with a few “means” to move in that direction. Perhaps, go back to the drawing board and see what the Lord erases. Remember that “less is more.” Let the rest fall to the side.

 
It’s ironic that the night before this interview, my husband asked me what the interview was about. I chuckled wryly as it was definitely an unbalanced week and here I was giving an interview on balance. Go figure! One of the strengths of a woman is to put others first, to give. But this can also be a downfall, leading to health problems, relationship ruptures, and unintended consequences. In other words, when we give too much or too much in the wrong areas, life descends into disorder and unhappiness. Jesus invites us to rest at his feet, to choose the better part, to cast our cares upon Him. Yep, not every need is a call, esp. over the holidays. 
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